


"Why Do You Wear Them Anyways?" : A DaveKat Banterfic

by Ulawan5



Category: Homestuck
Genre: I don't even ship this but???, M/M, Their banter is too good to resist, banterfic, it's not even really that shippy it's just flavored
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-24
Updated: 2014-11-24
Packaged: 2018-02-26 20:57:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2666123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ulawan5/pseuds/Ulawan5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave and Karkat share an argument on the floor of the lab on the meteor. It's really all just them going back and forth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"Why Do You Wear Them Anyways?" : A DaveKat Banterfic

"Have you ever considered how fucking stupid your shades make you look? Why would you even try? All you get is other assholes trying to use them as a mirror."

"Excuse you asshole exhibit A, my best bro gave these to me. Apologize."

"You think I give even a fraction of a hovering shit?"

"Come on they're protective."

"Of what? Your imperious assbaggery?"

"My eyes, dipshit."

You reach over behind you at Dave's face, but are swatted away.

"Hey!"

"Rule number one: don't touch the shades. We went over this day one."

"Meet my two friends, bull and shit, who say that you said JACK and shit before you threw your hideous pink face into mine."

"You should feel honored, people are talking about you."

"People talk about me, they just don't call you the creator of a new universe. You're welcome, by the way."

"You didn't do that Kanaya did that."

"She couldn't have without my direction. That's a fact."

"No, that's you causing cancer in a new universe. Thanks, by the way."

"Now you fucking-" you make a twist-dive for Dave's weird sort of gaunt face, and wind up with your own face-first into his awful knight fringe-cape-thing. Dave makes a noise of annoyance and disgust. He puts his palm square between your horns. "Calm down pixie stick, back the fuck off."

It's a bit garbled, but you manage "like they even do anything." You glare from under Dave's wrist.

"Don't insult the shades, man. Warning you."

"Your shades are. Fucking. Idiotic."

Dave sighs, and calmly yanks your hair downwards so that your face is pushed further into his godawful two-shirt douchebag combo. You struggle, but to no avail.

"Ready to apologize, short stuff?"

"I'm not even short you colossal ass."

"You still owe me a sorry."

You grumble something inaudible.

"What was that?"

"Take off your fucking shades."

Dave groans, and you can feel it resonate through his chest.

"What?"

"No."

"Come-fucking-on strider. You and I both know it's damn near impossible to see in this low light AND shades anyways."

"Not gonna do it. It's a religious practice. Never gonna take these shades of for anyone."

"Religious my ass, you've never even been to a church. God knows you'd combust upon entry."

"Bro I grew up in Texas do you know how impossible it is for me to never have gone to church before."

"You told me yourself!"

"I also told you that human mating rituals involve loudly proclaiming feelings and setting up a song and dance number that results in procreation."

"Hey you can't prove that one."

"Could," he pushes you off of him with his hand pushing on the crown of your head, "veeeeery much don't want to. Point is I’m a good bullshitter."

"Once more, my ass would like to protest that statement."

"Do I need to reiterate, the fact stays the same every time. Are you _trying_ to become that quote?"

You groan. You don't know why you continuously and futilely try to argue with him. Maybe it's part of the charm.


End file.
